Day 201

Confession: Reason 6 for getting a hysterectomy is I don’t even think I can have kids, and if I did get pregnant I decided I would choose mercy.

I had a miscarriage once. For educational purposes I’d like to point out I was a virgin at the time. Y’all can get preggers without boinkyboink.

I spent every moment thinking about what to do. Abort it and go to hell as a murderer or message a nipple pierced ex con living 6 hours away and ask him to marry me…
I was thankful for the miscarriage, but I’ll never forget the supernova in my hand. Ronan.

Years later I came to the decision that if I ever got pregnant again I would abort it because I couldnt live with bringing a child into this world and continuing the cycle of genetic trauma.  To me, a mother’s love is burning in hell while my child feels no pain.

These days, I no longer believe in that type of eternal punishment, but I do believe I have no interest in bringing life into the world just to help it navigate suffering. I’d like to put my love into those already here.