Day 297

Confession: This day, 17 years ago, I posted a video on YouTube saying goodbye to my dog Luke. He had been killed.

I locked myself in the bathroom with him, refusing to go to the vet. Luke had been deemed dangerous, and all avenues for help had failed. There was something wrong with him.

But I was also told there was something wrong with me. And my neighbours. And my teachers. And my friends. There was always something wrong with everyone else.

When we got home from the vet I screamed and trashed my room for hours. If someone tried to open the door, they were met with an object flying through the air. When I tired myself out, I was gently helped with putting my room back together. It was seen as a beautiful process.

But a few years ago I saw a relative—who had encouraged the end of Luke—punch my dog in the head for jumping up. I told them to immediately get out of my house. I realized in that moment that a lot of harm got excused, and I wasn’t the bad kid for seeing it.

As disturbing as this story is, I feel like I’ve done right by Luke through my current dog. They’re very similar, if anything she’s way worse. As I moved back to my hometown, arrangements were already made—by that side of my family—to remove her from my care. Hell no. I hadn’t given up on her. She’s deserving of patience, help and safety.

And she’s deserving of someone who gives the same to themselves.

(I threw out my pack of cigarettes)

Sound of the day: Knalerwten – Home https://youtu.be/A16vkAk88CA?si=A66Q7mwwgDGDRvzC