Day 334

Confession: After years of healing and remaining single, I have a gnawing fear that I want a relationship.

It’s a nice thought—to connect and lean on a person—but I question whether or not I’d be able to keep up with my new type or the standards I have for myself. Over a lifetime. I know how much work it takes and I prefer being alone.  And I find comfort in writing and living out imagined scenarios.

It’s not that I’m sabotaging the possibility of meeting someone, nor am I necessarily pursuing it.  I can get dangerously depressed and anxious when getting to know a romantic interest.

To protect myself from that cycle and build structure and safety, last year I created The Dozen Date Questions. 12 questions to get straight to whether we’re compatible or not. If we are, take me on a date. If not, let’s go out as friends and split the bill.

Only one person has been brave enough to make it through the questions, and we parted ways. I’m not mad, it means the filter is working.

I’ve been through a hell of a life— I want to be with someone who’s careful with time and lives with intention.

Sound of the day: Ella Woolsey – winner https://youtu.be/vaPYthCqNMs?si=TcVE2IKO8PAH4QI3