Day 350

Confession: On Day 3 of this project I confessed that I miss the idea of my family (I’m not in contact with one side).  That’s still true but the way it’s taken shape over the past year is predictable and unexpected.

I know my decision is the right one, but I’ll still wake up in the night and panic because I feel disoriented. I dream about them, but I don’t cry about it. Moments will creep up in my week where I just want to give in and let them have control again, because it’s easier to have people tell me what to do even if it destroys me.

I feel brave and beautiful and like throwing up and freezing and like I can’t handle the weight of doing what needs to be done.

I have people in my life. People I love and who love me. But I’m doing this alone.

Sound of the day: Sarah Kinsley – Caught Up In A Dream https://youtu.be/SO1PWJJ-8M8?si=yJoLNOmBedSvdt48