Day 360

Confession: I didn’t plan on bringing up my exhusband (Day 18) for this post today—I didn’t know what I was going to post—but the relationship came up in a conversation last night with a friend who recently went through a break up. 

I have exs that I feel no hard feelings for, even if it didn’t end smoothly. Then there’s the man I almost died over who I don’t even consider an ex anymore. It just doesn’t count in my head.

That fascinates me.

On our “first date” he showed me the moon through his telescope.  That became a symbol, and all the things he did to me were seen through that moonlit lens; meaning, loyalty, punishment, desperation, isolation, hope…tethered.

I remember being so hooked on this awful person until one day, way after my breaking point…I wasn’t. Through a different lens, I was able to see the lie. Many years later my past actions seem so undeniably pointless, and I understand in the moment it was all I could do with what I had. It’s why so many people stay with—or return to—their abuser.

I told my friend (who’s in a safe situation) “It can take a long time for people to be able to step out of what they’re feeling and see things.”

I think this applies to everything and I’m excited to look back on this project someday and see what else.

Sound of the day: Zach Bolen – I Will Let You Down https://youtu.be/PN-YypRPZ-0?si=nImMDwRqka0kRdFZ   (This was the song I chose for our elopement video, which was filmed by a guy his family hired off Craigslist. Previous work was funerals. Still makes me laugh.)